Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Delirium, Carnage and Laughter

So last night my brain decided to "storm" and not rest, so I went along with it and laid awake. all.night.long.  Now, many I'm sure are skeptical when I say all night long, and by many, I mostly mean my husband.  He chooses not to believe that I didn't sleep for one second.  I'm not sure why. He likes to try and convince me that I really did catch some shut eye and also because if he gets up in the middle of the night, I pretend I'm asleep so I don't have to go through the same convo that always occurs:

Me:  "I haven't slept one wink yet"
HH: "Babe, you know thats not true. You've been sleeping. I heard you."
Me: "Hmmm. Heard me what, snore? Cause I KNOW thats not what you heard."  
HH: "ZZzzzzzz"

He's so freakin quick at falling asleep.  Its quite aggravating when I've been laying there doing my "sleep tricks" which I will spell out (literally) for you.  

First, I try and get comfortable. Duh.  When I'm finally comfortable, I will yawn, meaning that I could fall asleep in this position.  See, I have this theory that if I'm laying there NOT yawning, then sleep will not arrive. If I find a position and immediately yawn, then I'll stay in that position until I either fall asleep or go to my 2nd "trick".  Thats where I try and concentrate on my feet, imagining them sinking into the bed.  I will concentrate then on my calves, thighs, butt, belly, arms, etc. etc.  If this does not work, then I move onto #3.  This is similar to "counting sheep" where I envision the word SLEEP.  I will spell it, say it slow in my mind, repeat.  If this does not work, I will move onto a more elaborate word game involving the entire alphabet and thinking of animals that start with that letter.  I try not to get this far in the sleep game, because once I'm to M (Monkey obviously) I'm more awake than ever and not yawning.  

Last night was a litte different.  I had this strange vision, and the best way I can describe it, is one of those scanner boxes you use your smart phone with.  Except instead of black and white, it was blue and white.....So, during the brain"storm", I decided I would do just that because at work, I'm needing to brainstorm ideas for commercials, so I figured that was the perfect time.  And it worked.  I thought of 3 commercial ideas, which led to mainly one once I got to work.  

I also have this thing where I will NOT look at the time.  Its kind of like weighing yourself.  I try not to, even though I do have a scale.  I will every once in awhile, but I really don't want/need to know how much I weigh every couple hours.  For some reason, my husband does like to know what time it is at 2am or 3am or 4am.  I feel like thats just torture. I use things like the traffic outside my window to determine the time.  Last night, HH wanted to know what time it was, and since I was still awake, I saw him check his phone.  But I did not ask him what he found out. I just like to pretend its still midnight and I have 5 hours of sleep left, even when I know its really 4:45am because the traffic just picked up. I did speak up though. I said to my Hottie, "Wanna know a secret? I haven't fallen asleep yet" I'm pretty sure he didn't believe me.  

My parents have one of those clocks that shines on the ceiling and that machine is my ultimate nemesis.  Whenever I sleep over in their bed (when they're gone people), I wake up and open my eyes and my brain is just READING IT WITHOUT MY CONSENT.  Grrr.

I finally broke down and checked the time. 5:05am.  Awesome. My alarm was going to be going off at 5:16 so that I can get up and go workout with my two biffs.  This brought about a whole nutha convo that started in my brain.  "Should I even GO to workout class since I haven't slept?" "Should I just sleep?"  "No, Blake, you're not going to fall asleep NOW, and if you DO, you'll be WAY sleepier than if you just get your arse up and into those stretch pants." 

But here it is, the end of the day, and I feel great. Which could mean a couple of things.  Either I really did sleep last night and just dreamt about smart phone scanner boxes, or I'm living on pure caffeine and adrenaline. 

Either way, I found this video to be hilarious.  Cross country skiing is easy because its usually on flat ground, but once you get to a hill, you better hope those ankles of yours are holdin strong. 

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